So I haven't blogged in a long time- But I feel very perplexed right now I need to vent it out somewhere- This is on the issue of education. Let me start out by saying that I value education a great deal- I think it is vital that those who are able to go to school and better themselves and their future, to do so. I have supported my husband through school for the past 5 years and continue to do so- In a strange way, I am just as proud of his accomplishments as he is and feel that they are partly mine.
The problem I am having is that recently I have been struggling with the choice for me to go to school. My kids have gotten a little older and I have had a little more wiggle room to take a class or two. Although after one semester of doing school I saw such horrible consequences of me doing those classes- My house got SUPER messy, my kids spent their time in front of that blasted television, I was on edge with my husband, I did homework on Halloween and missed pumpkin carving,(sounds silly but it really bothered me) My kids didn't have a mom! Why is it that our society has such little value on mothers? It enrages me to think of the effects no college education has had on my self esteem- Where does this come from? I hear comments all the time about how I need to have an education "just in case". Just in case what?! I actually have no intent on divorcing my husband and I can say with pretty positively that he wouldn't leave me for ANYTHING! (I am far too sweet and good looking). I know there are always unexpected tragedies and situations that no one plans for- such as death, disability, etc. WE HAVE INSURANCE- From what I understand that is what it is for and in such a tragic event,(heaven forbid) I would be able to figure out a different plan. But for now what is wrong with CHOOSING to stay home? I am sick of feeling like a failure- Yes I am the only one of my siblings without a degree, I will never earn the promised ring that belonged to my grandmother upon graduation, I am taking a risk at nothing having anything to "fall back on". I love my kids enough to risk this for them and I want them to have a mother home with them. I will probably later choose to pursue some kind of education, but dong so right now feels like is at the cost of my kids. How do you juggle it all? I struggle in school and for me it is hard enough when I don't have kids to care for.
I also want to add that if you are a mom with an education then that is AMAZING! I am jealous and envy that you have that. I in no way judge those who choose to go to school with small children, or work. Every one is in a different circumstance. My question is when did it become such a cop out to want to me a mom "when I grow up." To put out loved and well cared for children into this world? I am frustrated with these feelings because the fact is I do feel like less of a person without a degree. What is wrong with the picture?
5 comments:
Isn't blogging great! Where else could you pour your heart out so freely like that save in counseling ;D
I don't think you are a failure. It does seem that the world wants us to think that, but it's not true. Let me just remind you of a quote from Harold B. Lee. He said,
"The most IMPORTANT WORK you will ever do will be within the walls of your OWN HOME"
Print that up, hang it on your wall so you don't forget!
Motherhood is important, you are raising the future.
I desperately want to go back to school and get my degree, but my children are still little. They are still home with me. And I'm not JUST a mom, I am ALPHA AND OMEGA, lol, okay not quite that big. I am all of the things that are listed on that first image you have posted. I am that and more, and so is every other successful mother out there! (by successful I mean raising happy and healthy children) I know it's not the time for me to go to school and I have to remind myself of that each time I hear of another person graduating. I plan to wait until my children are in school, then I will go to school. Its in the works, I will make it happen. In the mean time I will enjoy every minute of being a SAHM. I earn my keep without a doubt and my family knows it. And its worth it!
Exactly Rose- Thanks so much for the reinforcement. I am going to print that up and put it on my wall-= You are so right- there is a time and place for everything!
I agree with the first person who commented, that there is a time for everything. There are different seasons of our lives for different things we are meant to do.
I have a degree - but only, ONLY because we couldn't get pregnant, so I went to school for something to do instead. I would have dropped school in a heartbeat had we had our family earlier. That was my season for school, and now is my season for being a mommy.
We are counseled to get as much education as we can. That statement doesn't specify the "when". And I certainly don't think it means to neglect your family so you can get a degree. I know some women can do both. Props to them. Not all of us are in circumstances where we can.
I also agree with you about the frustration over the "just in case" thing. My major in school was Home and Family Living, which was basically a degree in being a stay at home mom. A lot of people considered it a soft major for someone not smart enough to do more. Could I have majored in Chemistry or Engineering, or whatnot? Sure, I'm not stupid. But I didn't want something to "fall back on". I wanted a major that would be directly related to my career: Mom. And if the unthinkable happens, THEN I'll figure out a Plan B. But I'd rather be more prepared for Plan A than for something that may never happen.
Okay, so this is turning into a long comment, but you totally hit a nerve with me in this post. I am so passionate about the importance of stay-at-home moms and their worth in the world. You are doing a great work Shannon. Always remember that. And don't feel bad about letting this season of your life be all about your kids and family. There will be other seasons, and every older person I know always says that they don't stay young forever - so it must be true. :)
You always have such insightful posts. I completely agree with you! about a yr and a half ago, i decided i was going to get a paper route to bring in some extra money. well, it completely messed up my family life. it was only a few hrs a day, but i had to wake up at 2:30 in the morning and get back at 6am, and it totally messed up our family life! it wasn't worth it. I do have my degree in teaching, but if something were to happen to my husband, i could make more money waitressing than i did as a teacher (I made 10-15 thousand dollars more as a waitress in college than i did teaching) so really i look at my degree as more of a hobby/interest than a way of income (lol) and that's what life insurance is for!! you are right on! You're kids won't remember their childhood and say, "i'm so grateful my mom wasn't there so she could get her education", they will say how grateful they were to have a mother that was there for them 24/7 and was the one that raised them and taught them and loved them. YOU CANNOT BE REPLACED. thanks for the post--it gave me a boost!! :-)
You know, I am right there with you on the whole being a Mom isn't good enough for the world. One thing that I have said for years is that education has nothing to do with college. I daresay I am more educated than many of the friends my age who have advanced degrees - and I never took any college classes. To say that the only place to gain education is within the walls of some accredited university is complete nonsense! The library offers so much more information, and it is FREE!
As for the seasons of life, I agree with everyone else - BEING A MOM IS THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB YOU WILL EVER DO!!! There is no substitute for it. Children are only young once, and once that time is gone, it can never be recalled. Mothers have a work that transcends time and traditions of the world. You are leaving your mark on the eternities, and molding the mortal minds of special spirits. For your sacrifice, your children will "rise up and call you blessed". Kudos to you, Shannon, for making the choice to fulfill that which is of the most worth! You are choosing to be Mary, and not Martha. I think we could all do with a reminder to "choose that better part". Thanks!
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